Day 20

"Even some men from your own group will rise up and distort the truth in order to draw a following."

Last night I went golfing for the first and probably last time this year. I am not a good golfer by any means but there are some aspects of the game that I enjoy. One of them is that regardless of who you are playing with, you are really only playing against yourself. Golf is an individual sport for the most part and if you cheat you are only cheating yourself. If you play competetively with others then you are always concerned about how honest the other players are. I enjoy not worrying about how others distort the truth, in golf. But maybe I should be concerned about that outside of the game. Honestly is part of integrity and that is something I want to strive to grow in myself.

Day 19

"For he knows how weak we are; he remembers we are only dust."

Weakness is something that really defines the human race. The drive of our selfish ambitions opens us up as easy prey to so many things: consumerism, addiction, etc. Disappointment is so rampant because our expectations are primed so high and yet we are never fully satisfied. Each experience pushes our limits higher and as a race we are so far removed from reality and enjoying life for what it is. We are only dust. And dust just blows around freely guided by the wind. Sometimes I need to just let go and allow the wind to carry me and set me down in the right place where I am supposed to be.

Day 18

"I will give him peace with his enemies in all the surrounding lands."

The trees sway gently in the breeze towering over the field of dirt and long grass. There is a quietness that can only be felt in that scene. But inside the house there is discontent and frustration - a chorus that fills every room, there is no place of solitude. That is often what my heart feels like. On the outside, all appears well and calm, an outer peace that is wonderful. But the conflict inside is peaking and no end is in sight. Peace with my enemies begins with an inner peace of the soul. I yearn for that solitude of the heart, a quiet breeze for the mind.

Day 16

"'Go out to the roads and country lanes and make them come in, so that my house will be full."

A party just isn't a party without people. And often we miss out on the party because our priorities are screwed up. Again our selfishness will dictate our priorities and we think we have more important items on the agenda - but ultimately I thnk there is a much better agenda, a big party, going on that we should not ignore. Life is too short to focus on the trivial pieces of our selfish minds.

Day 14

"I was afraid I would lose your money, so I hid it....Look, here is your money back."

As a child and even into my teens I was a worrier. A fear of the unknown often clouded by mind from understanding a situation or taking a risk into some new adventure or task. When I look back to those days I understand some of the rationale in my thinking and maybe I even cling to some of that today. But I also look back with a touch of self-pity when I see all the things I did not do or experience because of my worrying. Life is about taking some risks and experiencing the fullness of this time we have. Regrets are always a part of life, but there needs to be a balance between the risks we took with the ones we missed out on.

Day 13

"You, a mere man, claim to be God."

Sometimes my pride gets me into trouble. It's that claim to be self-sufficient and capable of swimming through the storms of life. But the greatest blasphemy I can make is to be my own god. I am human. Not a god. And when it is in those times where I feel all-powerful that my ship begins to sink and I need a life saver. Why can't I just admit that I need help on a regular basis - and that means everyday, all the time. No exceptions. It would save me from getting into trouble. Pride. Oh what mere mortals we are.

Day 12

"It is a witness between us and them"

An eyewitness account is much more powerful than simple heresay. If the witness is trustworthy, then we feel their account of the experience is truthful. Sometimes we need a witness between us and another person to hold us accountable and to ensure there is an independent balance.

Day 11

"No other foundation can anyone lay than that which is laid"

A foundation built on top of another foundation is not really a foundation. It still must rely on the strength of the original foundation to support the weight of whatever is resting upon it. Sometimes I try to put in a new foundation for my life - but is there already a strong foundation there which I don't understand?

Day 10

"So I run with purpose in every step. I am not just shadowboxing."

Running without a purpose seems pointless doesn't it? If you have no destination in mind, no goal of bettering your body, no foe to flee from - then what is the point of exerting your energies by running? Although can you actually run without a purpose in mind? Seems like an odd question but I can't think of anyone who ever ran without a purpose. It may have been for recreation, for health, for safety or solely out of boredom. There must be a reason for running.

If life is one long marathon then I guess the point is to keep on running. Isn't the point to be in the race and to try and win? When you stop running, you lose your purpose in the marathon. So how do I keep on running every day? That is the challenge.

Day 9

"If only you would listen to his voice today!"

Generally speaking I am a laid back, easy going person. I don't often let the stresses in my life show outwardly to those around me. The majority of the time this is because I don't let myself get uptight about things or worry about them. But sometimes I have stress and think I can deal with my situations and no one else needs to be concerned with that. Although there are many times that someone does know what is causing me anxiety and my stubbornness makes me block out anyone that could help me. Often I hear that voice inside telling me to do something or I know what is probably the best thing for me to do in a situation - but I want to ignore that voice and follow my own lead. It's purely selfishness. And the problem with selfishness is that it entraps the mind so strongly that we never fully acknowledge that we are not the solution to our own problems. We do need help. I need to rely on another strength to find satisfaction in this life, to fulfill what my purpose is. And there's that voice clearly telling me what to do. But I'm selfish. And selfish people make poor listeners.

Day 8

"There is only one thing worth being concerned about...discover it, and it will not be taken away from you."

Truly life is a paradox. We are driven to explore and grow in knowledge yet it all seems meaningless at times. Yet often we find so much peace and truth in the simplest things. In the chaos and stress of the world today I think there is so much we miss out on because our brains are being wired to constantly seek out pleasure and satisfaction in temporal things. Nothing can truly quench our thirst because we keep returning to the bottomless well for more. The key is to discovering what is really worth being concerned about. Something that can never be taken away from us. Does that exist? If so, where do we find it? Within? Without?

Day 2

"When I kept silent, my bones wasted away through my groaning all day long."

Some days I feel that I need a shelter. Protection. Something to block all the things that come flying at me full force. Because when I think I can handle situations in my own strength, I ultimately fail. I fall silent and my body aches from my wasting away. But I am stubborn and believe that I can shelter myself from life's storms. Everytime I am wrong and I must seek out someone or something to protect me from myself. Is it simply because of pride? Yes. My pride drowns me in a sea of doubt and frustration. Where is my harbour of safety? My shelter in the time of storm.

Day 1

"Your life is like the morning fog - it's here a little while, then it's gone."

As a new father, I am much more aware than ever before of what happens in the early part of the morning. I have seen more sunrises in the past few months than in all the rest of my life. The beauty of a bright morning sun shining into my son's window between the wooden slats is warming and energizing. But sometimes the early sunlight is muted by a light fog or mist hovering silently above the trees. On those mornings the energy is different and I yearn for the sky to clear and let the pure sun shine through. Eventually the fog clears away and the sun seems even brighter and more wonderful than ever before. Sometimes I wonder if our life is just a bit of haze and there is something much more beautiful to come. A clarity that I cannot understand now because I have not actually seen the sun in all its fullness. Yet.